By Wayne Chan
|
'T |
is the
season for holiday hobnobbing and fun times with family and
friends.
Fun, that is, for some people. But do you know someone who has
to be
dragged to social functions, kicking and screaming? Who would rather
be gnawed to
death by rats than attend the office Christmas party? Well
then, you
probably have an introvert on your hands. I should know —
I'm one of
them.
The terms “introverted”
and “extroverted” come from the personality
theories of
Carl Jung, the famous early 20th-century psychologist.
Introverts
and extroverts differ in how they are energized by the
environment around
them. According to Jung, a person who is an extrovert
is focused
outwardly, and is energized by interacting with people and things
in the
outside world. By contrast, an introvert is focused more inwardly,
and is
energized by his or her inner world of thoughts, ideas, and feelings.
Jung
understood that most people are a mix of both extroversion and
introversion,
and that everyone falls somewhere on a continuum between the
two
extremes, usually with a degree of preference for one or the other —
a degree
that can be slight or marked.
In her book The
Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World,
psychologist
Dr. Marti Olsen Laney summed up the distinction between the
two
temperaments wonderfully by saying that “introverts are like a
rechargeable
battery. They need to stop expending energy and rest in order
to recharge.
Extroverts are like solar panels that need the sun to recharge.
Extroverts
need to be out and about to refuel.”
Extroverts
are “people” persons — they like to be liked, while introverts
are “people
who find people tiring”, as Jonathan Rauch succinctly put it,
in an
article in The Atlantic Monthly about the plight of introverts.
It's not
that introverts hate socializing completely, though. We love
one-on-one
or close-knit group discussions about ideas and things that
interest us.
Depending on our energy level, we may even enjoy a larger
social
gathering. It's just that prolonged chitchat wears us down and we
start to
feel the need to withdraw.
Introverts
are in the definite minority. Estimates generally range from
between 20–30%
of the general population, so we're outnumbered about three
to one. It's
no wonder that we are an enigma to most people. Introverts,
nevertheless,
can take comfort in the fact that we are heavily
over-represented
in the gifted population. Newton, Einstein, Darwin,
and Edison —
introverts? You bet!
In spite of
this, western society loves the extrovert. Extroverted qualities
like being outgoing,
gregarious, and lively are considered desirable, and
are
culturally ingrained as being “good” attributes, because the extroverted
majority
sets the expectations, states Rauch. Thus, introverts are pressured
early on to
become more extroverted, since this is what we are “supposed”
to be. But
there is no “correct” or “normal” way of functioning, argues
Laney —
there are simply differences, and there is scientific evidence
that these
differences are, at least in part, genetic.
Research has
shown a possible biological basis for the two temperaments.
Neuroscientists
have discovered that introverts generally have more overall
brain
activity than extroverts, particularly in the frontal lobe, which
is
associated with problem solving, planning, and long-term memory.
Extroverts,
on the other hand, have more activity in parts of the brain
associated
with sensory processing.
Laney
explains that introverts also seem to be naturally more sensitive to
dopamine, a
neurotransmitter that acts as a mediator of pleasure and
emotion in
the brain. Introverted people receive adequate amounts of
dopamine
through low-key pursuits, whereas extroverts are less sensitive
to dopamine
and require stronger stimulation and a greater adrenaline kick
to create
more of it. Extroverts therefore need to seek greater stimulation
from the
outside world and are more likely to be bored when left alone.
People
sometimes confuse introversion for shyness or social anxiety, which
is not
correct, according to Laney. Many introverted people are not shy at
all, and
have little difficulty with meeting people or with public speaking.
Nevertheless,
they may feel exhausted by such things, and may need to
reenergize
by being alone; in contrast, an extrovert would usually be keyed
up by these
activities. Shyness is also something that people often grow
out of,
whereas introversion is a lifelong inclination.
You would
never guess that one of my friends is introverted, for example.
She appears
very charismatic and outgoing, but, as she explained it, it's
really an
act that she can sustain for only brief periods before feeling
drained and
needing to retreat. Which is why I often found her curled up
in a chair,
contentedly reading a novel.
As you might
expect, it's a trying time of year for introverts. With all
the holiday
festivities happening, we can start to feel pretty Scrooge-like
after a
while. So, here are some tips from the experts to help introverts
get the most
out of the season without feeling the urge to throttle their
high-volume,
high-octane counterparts:
1. It's okay
to decline a social invitation. Yes, I know, all of your pals
will try to
convince you to go, but if you're not feeling up to it, thank
them for the
invitation and politely say “no”.
2. Okay,
diplomacy didn't work — you've been talked into going. Laney
recommends
getting some rest just before the event and not to schedule too
many other
social activities on the same day or in the same week.
3. At the
party, volunteer to help with the food, music, or the photography,
suggests
Susan Dunn, a personal development coach. It'll keep you busy and
help to
relieve the awkward feeling of not having anything to do. Bonus
points for
looking like a “team player”, if it's a work function.
4. If
schmoozing isn't your thing, Laney suggests that you try to find a
place away
from the crowd and just sit, relax, and observe. Sooner or later,
other people
may drift by, and you can chat with them if you wish.
5. Try to
find moments to get away for a few minutes to recharge yourself.
Writer Sara
Richmond-Walls suggests taking a bathroom break, or just
stepping
outside for some fresh air.
6. Hooray,
the party's finally over! Be sure to schedule some downtime
immediately
afterwards. Relax, have a cup of tea, or do something that you
find
enjoyable. Pat yourself on the back - you've survived and maybe even
had a little
fun!
7. Putting
up with the in-laws: If you have guests staying over,
Richmond-Walls
recommends getting up earlier and going to bed earlier than
the rest of
the household, to give yourself some quiet time.
8. Why not
try something different for the holidays this year? Dunn
proposes
heading to a retreat with a few friends or just by yourself, and
enjoying a
slower-paced holiday. Or, you might try to work on some
hobby
projects that you've always wanted to do, but never had the time for.
9. Finally, “Christmas
has a knob. Use it”, says Dunn. Crank it up or down,
or just turn
it off. It's your choice.
The world
needs both extroverts and introverts. Jung believed that the two
temperaments
balanced each other, and that each type naturally sought out
the other
for completeness — giving credence to the notion that opposites
attract.
With our
quiet, introspective ways, introverts have much to offer, but our
voices are
often drowned out by our more boisterous brethren. So, this
holiday
season, please take some time to recognize the introverts in your
lives and
learn to appreciate their approach to life.
Just don't
expect us to go party-hopping with you!