DISCLAIMER: Some of the following quotes have been paraphrased to protect the innocent. In all cases I have attempted to maintain the intent and spirit that resulted in each pontification.

"Nipple Braille? That's BRILLIANT!" -BFS

A donut shop employee in response to MrsY-in-training changing her usual morning order to include MrY.

"That capuccinno is large right?" -adse
"No, it's JUMBO!" -MrsY-i-T

"Nothing that can get us fired MrY, that's the rule." -BFS

"Some times you think like an ass, some times you don't." -MrY

"I like chick flicks. I am a girly-man." -MrY

"Have a good holiday. I won't see you until January because I doubt you will be coming to my house and I certainly won't be coming to work." -MrY

Later that day during the annual SW pity lunch who do I see walk by but none other than Mr Yuck. -BFS

"It was well worth the $3.75 I paid to see Mel Gibson in that new movie, 'What Women Want', wearing pantyhose, nail polish and a tourquoise bra." - MrY

"We could get in a lot of trouble for that ... oh ... wait ... doesn't matter, we're unionized." -BFS

"Remind me ... they actually have a PhD in this area, right?" -MrY

"The most challenging part of the job is dealing with Acadummies." -BFS

"This is definitely a LOBR situation." -MrY

"He tells us his computer is broken and asks us to look at it ... we take the time to go to his office to see if we can fix it ... and we find out he has it at HOME? What is THAT all about?" -BFS

"I suspect that the leader of the '4^th floor mafia' is in exile on the second floor ... but I could be wrong." -BFS

A stupid student when asked, "Please take that drink out of the lab." by MrY.

"Please take that drink of of the lab." -MrY
"It's not a drink, it's only water." -ASS

A stupid student when told why their account was disabled by MrY.

"Why is my account disabled?" -ASS
"Because you had an orange at the computer. There is a policy of no food or drink in the lab." -MrY
"It wasn't food, it was only an orange." -ASS

"Don't call them 'chicks', broads hate that!" -BFS

"MrY has the morals. I'm Jesuit educated" -BFS

"We should end our coffee break soon, it's almost time for lunch." -MrY

"XP is just smart enough to be stupid." -BFS

A stupid student when told why their account was disabled by MrY.

"Can you please unlock my account?" -ASS
"You had a drink in the lab yesterday. I saw you drinking it at the computer. That's a three day suspension." -MrY
"Three day suspension? But I didn't spill any. Why was I disabled?" -ASS

"You know that guy who had that problem up in that office? He called me." - BD

"I'm not streaming audio, I'm just listening to CJOB online." -BD

"If I was a woman men would love me. I have GREAT tits!" -BFS

A stupid student when told, "No food or drink in the lab" by MrY.

"Did you not notice the signs? No food or drink in the lab." -MrY
"It's not a drink, it's spit. I like to chew tobacco." (spits in the cup) -ASS
"That's f***ing gross!" -MrY

Found on a subversive web forum by BFS:

"What the…?
That isn't even coffee anymore. That's a mockery of coffee in a cup. No one should drink a coffee that has more than 2 adjectives (one of which could be sugar or cream) otherwise it ceases to be coffee and becomes a dessert."

A stupid student when asked by MrY to remove from the lab their cup of coffee, which was sitting next to the keyboard where it could easily be knocked over.

"Please take your coffee out of the lab." -MrY
"But I'm not drinking it. Can't I just let it sit next to the keyboard while I work?" -ASS

"I gotta close my door before I spontaeously combust!" -TIEU

"HIGH FIVES! BOO YAH!!" -MrY, BFS & ToF
"Don't touch me or I'll give you all BERRY TWISTERS!!!" -BD

Overheard when a stupid student was talking to the on-duty adviser.

"I can't seem to get in to my friend's account." -ASS
"GOOD!" - ODA

Overheard when MrY was speaking to an end user after power cycling a printer for the 8^th time:

"You thought it would be a good idea to keep sending the same document that keeps locking up the printer ... and you expect a different result? That's definitely a PEBY-2E situation!" -MrY

A stupid student asks MrY about adding print credits.

"Excuse me, how do I add money to my print account?" -ASS
"You give me cash, my office is over there <pointing>, I will give you a receipt and add the print credits to your print account." - MrY
"But over in Science they have a machine I can use." -ASS
"This isn't Science, we don't use that system here in Asper. You need to pay cash to me in my office, I will give you a receipt and add the print credits to your account." -MrY
"So can I swipe my credit card? I can use my card in the machine in Science." - ASS
"No ... you need to use cash here, we don't use that system here in Asper. Here is it cash only." -MrY
"I went to the PaperCut site, because these printers are hooked directly to PaperCut, and wasn't able find where I can add credits to my account." -ASS
"PaperCut is merely the system of software we use here to do print accounting, their company has nothing to do with collecing the actual funds for printing. You need to give me cash, I will give you a receipt and add the print credits to your print account." -MrY
"Oh. <sits back down and continues working> -ASS